Friday, September 21, 2012

Potted Potter

Potted Potter Duo, by Jeff Clarkson and Dan Turner


Dan and Jeff: Ready…Start the book!

Jeff: Once upon a time, there was a boy named Harry Potter.

Dan: Hi, I’m Harry Potter.

Jeff: He was 11.

Dan : (High Voice) Hi, I’m Harry Potter.

Jeff: He lived under the stairs.

Dan: (High Voice while crouching down) I live under the stairs.

Jeff: Now, it turned out he was a wizard, so they gave him a wand and an owl called Hedgewig. To be a fully-fledged wizard, you had to go to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And of course, the only way to get to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was to go to Platform 9 and 3/4s, and of course the only way to get to Platform 9 and 3/4s was to run straight through the wall.

Dan: Straight through the wall.

Jeff: Right through the wall.

Dan: Straight through the wall.

Jeff: You’re not running through the wall.

Dan: I’m not as stupid as you are.

Dan: When Harry got to Hogwarts, he made some good friends, the first of which was a young boy by the name of Ron Weasely.

Jeff: (Like a rock star) I’m Ron Weasely! I is phat with a ph. I is a ginger ninja!

Dan: He made another friend as well, a young lady by the name of Hermione Granger.

Jeff: (Deep voice) Hello! I’m Hermione Granger!

Dan: She was also 11.

Jeff: (Deep Voice) I know!

Dan: You didn’t know many girls when you were 11 did you?

Jeff: Still don’t know many to be quite honest.

Dan: Now, along with friends, Harry also made some enemies, the first of which was a teacher by the name Professor Snape.

Jeff: I hate you! (Slaps Dan)

Dan: Ow! He made another enemy as well by the name of Draco Malfoy.

Jeff: I hate you as well! (Slaps Dan again)

Dan: Ow! Stop! Stop! Why are you slapping me in front of the audience? Ok you know what, time for me to be the bad guy for a change, see how you like it! (Deep Voice) Oh I’m Draco Malfoy I’m not very nice I go around hitting people yeah!

Jeff: I don’t like you very much either! (Slaps Dan)

Dan: Ow! You know what forget it! Now, along with friends and enemies, Harry discovered a sport he liked to play very much called Quidditch. Now, Quidditch is a game—

Jeff: (Cutting him off) All right it’s time to play Quidditch! All right! (Pointing at the audience) You two are my bludgers, you in the back is the keeper, and I’m the seeker. Let’s go!

Dan: Does the keeper have a broom?

Jeff: Well why would I need they need brooms if we just want to play Quidditch?

Dan: Well, If you want to play Quidditch, you need a broom, and the keeper needs a broom.

Jeff: A bunch of wizards riding around on brooms, isn’t that a little far-fetched?

Dan: No broom, no Quidditch.

Jeff: Ugh, stupid no broom no Quidditch rules. Oh, I’ve got a broom fetish.

Dan: Ignoring that, now we move on to the crux of the book, the Philosopher’s Stone. Now, the philosopher’s stone in question is something that the evil Lord Voldemort—

Jeff: Ah you said Voldemort! Wait I said Voldemort! Oh I said it again! Oh shut up!

Dan: Thank you for that, so the Stone is something that Lord—Unmentionable needs to regain his powers.

Jeff: Muahaha! It is I, the evil Lord Voldemort!

Dan: Ha-ha you said your own name!

Jeff: Of course I have to say my own name you silly little man! Now, I must get to the Sorcerer’s Stone before Harry Potter! Here is The Sorcerer’s Stone! Here is Harry Potter!

(Exchange glances between looking at the stone and at each other)

Dan: (Grabs stone) Ha-ha! Got it before you!

Jeff: No! Harry Potter defeated me for the first time!

Dan: End of Book 1! Quickly, to Book 2!

Jeff: Can we go home now?

Dan: No, there are still books to go! Now Book Number 2! Harry Potter, and the Chamber of Secrets! Now, fresh from his victory over Lord Voldemort in the first book, Harry is very much looking forward to his second year at Hogwarts. That is, until he is visited by a strange little house elf named Dobby.

Jeff: (High Voice) Oh hello! It’s me, Dobby! Now, Harry Potter you must not go back to Hogwarts! You can’t (Starts hitting him) you can’t! You can’t! You’re gonna die! You’re gonna die!

Dan: Ok, ok stop it! Strangely enough, Harry didn’t listen to Dobby’s advice, and he carried straight on back to Hogwarts, where he looked forward to another exciting year of fun, and magic and spells. Now, when they got back to Hogwarts, they discovered that all was not as well as they had hoped, because Harry’s very good friend Hagrid is accused of opening the door to the Chamber of Secrets.

Jeff: (Scottish accent) Oh hello there! My name’s Hagrid! I’m a big fat giant! I didn’t open the door to the Chamber of Secrets, but someone did! Aye! (Singing) You take the low road, and I’ll take the high road and I’ll be in Scotland before you.

Dan: (Sighs) Now, no one’s worked out how to get Hagrid off the hook…that is until the discovery of a diary written by a young boy from the past.

Jeff: Aha! It’s me, a young boy, from the past!

Dan: Now, no one could work out who Tom Riddle was…

Jeff: Well, it’s me.

Dan: I know that! But they don’t. (Gestures to the audience)

Jeff: Oh! (To audience) It’s me.

Dan: Now, no one could work out who Tom Riddle was, that is until they discovered his middle name and soon solved the conundrum.

*Both hum jeopardy theme. Then Jeff “buzzes” in.*

Dan: Yes Tom Marvalo Riddle

Jeff: Tom Marvalo Riddle is I am Lord Voldemort! And now, Harry Potter, you will die at the hands of the evil serpent of the Chamber of Secrets!

Dan: Oh no! A terrifying serpent that’s terrible and scary! I’m too young to die!

Jeff: (uses hands as a serpent) Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Bite. End of Book 2! On a cliffhanger too!

Dan: That’s not the end!

Jeff: Oh right, hiss hiss bite fight.

Dan: What is that?

Jeff: It’s the terrifying serpent from the Chamber of Secrets. Oh no run for the hills it’s getting me.

Dan: And what, pray tell, happened to the 25 foot animatronic serpent I wanted to burst out from the top of the stage scaring everyone? 

Jeff: (Shrugs) Carry on.

Dan: Start  the book. Ok so now that Harry is fighting this terrifying serpent, the only thing that can save him is if Dumble—Oh my God! We haven’t mentioned Dumbledore!

Jeff: Is he important?

Dan: Jeff, he’s only the greatest wizard of all time, not to mention the head teacher of Hogwarts.

Jeff: So he’s the greatest wizard of all time, and he decided to go into teaching?

Dan: The point is, Dumbledore is a very important character, we’re halfway through book 2 and we haven’t even mentioned him!

Jeff: Well you just mentioned him there.

Dan: Does that count?

Jeff: Yeah, why not, move on!

Dan: Alright! So now, Harry is up against the terrifying serpent, and the only thing that can save him is if Dumbledore’s phoenix flies in and saves him, which it does! And now Harry’s up against the terrifying Lord Voldemort and the only way to defeat Voldemort is to stab the diary with the serpent’s tooth. And guess what? He does!

Jeff: Oh no! Harry Potter you have defeated me for a second time. I’m seeing a pattern forming here and to be quite honest I’m not best pleased

Dan: End of book 2! Do we have time for any more?

Jeff: No I think that’s it!

Dan: Thank you very much!

*End while humming Harry Potter theme, just like beginning*


Saturday, December 11, 2010

Moving to a New Domain

To all our Loyal readers, we would like to announce our move to a new Domain: All our future posts and others from the archives will be available there. We hope to see you all there.

Many Thanks,
-The Staff of The Bond Project

Friday, December 10, 2010

Viva Brasil, Viva

Order and Progress, the motto of Brazil, the fundamental basis of Brazilian society and economic success. We often hear “actions speak loader than words,” but in Brazil’s case the words and the actions are equally matched. Brazil is represents the “B” in BRIC. As the world becomes smaller and smaller America will need to bolster her overseas markets, and international relations. Bettering economic and political relations with Brazil will be far easier than attempting to connect with the other nations that comprise BRIC. Although these two nations are very different their, economic, social and political structures are reasonably similar. These two nations are most similar because America and Brazil fundamentally share the same “western” values. This can best be seen by looking at the way America and Brazil interact with the rest of the world. Both the United States and Brazil have had reasonably recent changes in their respective executives. Barack Obama and Dilma Rousseff presently are less controversial than their predecessors. These presidents share common values that they must work with the world rather than dictating to it. Besides political similarities, America and Brazil’s economic practices are more often than not considered “honorable,” unlike their fellow world power the unyielding China. This ideal was epitomized this fall during the G20 summit in Seoul, South Korea. After being lobbied by the world to allow their currency’s value to rise, after years of unfair regulation of it by the government, China refused to do so, claiming that it would have too big of a negative impact on their economy. Of course they continue this practice to allow their products to be bought at far less expensive prices than those of other “western” nations whose currencies change in value in relation to the world economy on the stock market, rather than being regulated and held down by the government. This example clearly shows the difference in fundamental values of China as compared to “western” nations, including America and Brazil. Some will say that China is being unfairly picked on by the world, all countries put their economic success above that of the world, and that’s OK. What is NOT OK is the fact that when most of the other G20 nations of the world come together and condemn the same economic practice and an arrogant nation, in this case China, rejects the world, then and only then are the worlds actions and opinions acceptable. America and Brazil are clearly different, to some their values are in the right and others fell them to be “western” bullies. Whatever one’s political beliefs may be it is clear that these two nations are similar and that is why they would be the most likely to better relations with one and other, America and Brazil, it’s gonna be a great partnership.

    -D. Scollan

Thursday, December 9, 2010

China: Taming the Dragon

China is an interesting spot. It has had very robust economic growth in past few years. However, there are arising problems in the seemingly strong country. This will hinder their ability to surpass the United States economically and potential supplant the U.S. as the primary superpower of the world. Among the problems, the largest is the housing boom in China

Similarly to the United States, there was a housing boom. However,there will be a bust. That has yet to come in China. But we have already seen the effects of a widespread housing bust in the United States. Forbes and Time Magazine other are envisioning a future Chinese housing bust. This could bode horribly for the Chinese economy. Others have stated that the inflation in China will become a major problem, squeezing the poor. On the issue of competitiveness, the Chinese worker is seeking for a salary increase. This has the potential to hinder Chinese growth. Factory workers in places such as Vietnam and Bangladesh are paid less on average than their Chinese counterparts. Companies such as H&M, a clothing retailer are in the process of moving operations. The ubiquitous Made in China label may not be so ubiquitous in the coming years. This means that the Chinese must grow other fields of their economy. This should not necessarily be a major problem but could present an obstacle for the Chinese.

In the meantime, the Chinese must tame the dragon before it is too late. They many advantages including a surplus of revenue, they own large amounts of assets, and China is a rising intellectual power. These are things that other governments would be yearning for. However, there are issues in China that must be addressed for success of their nation. 

    -S. Martin 

India’s Better Lit Future

BRIC Nations include Brazil, Russia, India, and China, all developing new markets that are going to change the face of the world for the future. Putting the I in BRIC India has the most potential going forward. They have the ability to become a technological shining star guiding the new way to the future. Why does India have such potential, so much to put it ahead of the rest?
The Indian government led by Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, is in terms of infrastructure striving to create a generation acclimated to the future and ready to change it. India needs focus on developing the ability to become the shining star of the future. This shows in the steadily increasing tech based economy, 2005- 2010 we saw the numbers rise from 17% to a now 31% technological based exports. Getting this number up to 50% like a post WWII Japan had, becoming the technological giant of the early 90’s. They are going to be able to do so because of how much the government will be making now and later. They will be making so much because of outsourcing; India is a very appealing area for such companies that need a cheap but large workforce. Normally under these circumstances, the U.S. government tould take steps to restrict such a flow of jobs out of the country,especially in the depths of a recession in which Americans desperately need jobs. The government has only not taken such steps because it fears India's retribution, as well as the happy occurrence of reverse outsourcing. Companies base themselves in foreign countries and save money by doing business in India. Companies' saving of money lead to lower prices and thus increased sales, to make sales they have to set up shop world wide, such as back in America… Reverse Outsourcing. It lowers prices, creates jobs over time and keeps companies intact. This all plays back into the growth of India as a nation and bringing it towards the technological goals it wants to reach to be the “shining star” of the future. 
India prevails as the most prominent prospect among BRIC nations and the US has the ability to help create growth in these areas. President Obama has already created a 15 billion dollar investment plan in India’s technology economy shift. If India can set itself up for reaching Japan like ability the possibilities are limitless, and the future much brighter.
   -J. Sullivan